The election broadcast – the two, the third and Papi the Gatekeeper

It is not known how many years ago some remorseful TV personality committed an unforgivable sin.

He has asked himself the otherwise perfectly reasonable question of what to broadcast on election day until the results come in, and has not particularly reasonably decided that the talk of politics should begin at dark dawn.

The huge problem is that cloning has not yet been invented and we cannot clone the Bulgarian X number of political scientists and sociologists. And even if we could, we would hardly want to have two Andrey Raichevs, for example.

That’s why this year the two private national televisions resorted to a colorful fair of singers, folk singers, influencers and other people whose faces we know from the screen.

Generally, on a Sunday early afternoon, it makes the most sense to drink our beer after we’ve done our civic duty at the nearby secondary school, but we still happen to turn on the TV for mild drinking company. Meek, meek, so meek…

On air on bTV, we come across the first puzzling sight, consisting of Pappy Hans (the one with the “Cupcake”, mind you), a man in a pink dressing gown and two prom-dressed women. One wears a hat the size of a coffee table.

“Those two, the third one and Joro the Gatekeeper”, as Penata would sum it up. Pappy Hans tries to say some smart things about the election campaign, only the others take matters into their own hands and manicures and sharply drive in the direction of “Everybody wears mascara”.

Here we are already wondering if we have gone too far with the afternoon and post-election beers to see people in bathrobes around the TV studios. Still, we have plenty of time to think, because all four interlocutors sprinkle wisdom for world peace and calls for unity, unification, legality and not so much malice and envy. They don’t slow down our brains much.

Yes, it is more impressive when these lines come out of the written mouth of some bowl, but on Sunday we have such material at our disposal.

Finally, the opinion leaders that unstable teenage girls look up to write their messages on white paper, and we’re very surprised they don’t make spelling mistakes. Well, one lady drops a comma or two, but our attention is diverted by the author’s “Come out and give it” epilogue.

We don’t come out and give it away, we switch the channel and we’re already on NOVA.

And we come across another set of famous people – Miska, an actress, a journalist, a chef. The t├╝rlyu-casserole is also the judge from “Sadeben Spor” – that show in which Zoro Ignatov is not there to do circuses. With sincere surprise, we understand that the person is really a lawyer, may he be alive and well.

NOVA has called a real bowler in the face of Antonia Petrova, whom some bitterly call Totsa Krokodila. To a complete surprise, however, the miska does not talk about world peace and let’s forget malice and envy, and her beautiful mind deals with the Bulgarian electoral system.

Petrova is for “a more cardinal electoral system and a Grand National Assembly”. If Slavi is looking at her, he must have shed tears of affection.

The freakshow is interrupted by reports, one of which shows us members of a UK section dressed in folk costumes. It sounds like all their other clothes have been in the wash or in the dryer, but they assure us it’s actually out of patriotism.

Somewhere out there, we are already wondering if it is really necessary to turn the elections into such an unprecedented circus.

The political fair is plentiful and gives every indication that it is yet to thicken. Quite a few party representatives make us laugh involuntarily and rather confusedly, and so, along political lines, we get our dose of serotonin for the day, the alternative is to roar uncontrollably.

The influencers, who spelled socio-political topics like an uneducated schoolgirl, only completed the landscape, which may be very colorful, but it is not cheerful at all this time.

And since there is a huge chance that the next elections will be in a few months, we will give a good-natured advice to the TV stations – please, next time instead of this presentation, play some romantic movie from those that we know the end of after the fifth minute.

At least it won’t make us break our TVs…

Or what the orchestra of the Bulgarian political parties will look like


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